Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Conquering the storm with this thing called LOVE

I remember the times me and my husband would fight constantly. It came to a point that it was abnormal if we didn't argue. We'd argued at least once a day everyday. I don't even recall what the arguments were about. I just remember fighting all the time. Our first year was rough. We just kinda jumped into everything all at once and that's how we started. So our first year of being together we had to get through my fluctuating hormones and moods and I was dealing with a lot of insecurities, doubt and shame. It was tough going through my first pregnancy, going to school and working at the same time. I was tired a lot of the times but I tried to keep it together.

What I felt like he doing wrong: EVERYTHING. I felt like he was inconsiderate of my feelings, he was never there for me, his comments and reaction to everything was rude. And he was disrespectful. I just felt like he was plain mean! i remember thinking, "this is what I'm stuck with for the rest of my life? This is going to be the father of my child? What he was thinking: This girl nags at me all the time and she's inconsiderate of what I'm feeling. She wants me to do everything for her and she's so insecure, I can't even go out with my friends! In his mind he's thinking, "I don't want to be stuck here forever, How will I ever love her the same?"

For maybe a year and a half we had constant arguments and three breakups. We've reached our boiling points that enough was enough. We couldn't even be around other people without arguing once. As embarrassing as it was, we argued all the time regardless if it's in front of people or just by ourselves. We were hopeless about the relationship and we thought that that was the end. We didn't want to try anymore because trying itself seemed too hard.We've exchanged harsh words to each other and I was convince nothing was ever going to be the same more the less be better. So I decided to leave- this time for good.

As I'm there crying my eyes out looking at my daughter, I couldn't believe I had brought her into this world to just break her heart. She's so young and I know she doesn't know, but the only thing that ever kept me there was to avoid the possibility of her growing up in a  broken home. But I couldn't take it anymore. I had to leave. I had to escape from that hell; from that happy place. It just wasn't worth it anymore.

A big change for us was humility. After being so comfortable with each other I think that sort of slipped away. Something like being able to man up to your mistake made such a big difference. We stopped that mentality that he/she is wrong, I'm right, because that never got us any where good. We didn't talk enough. After being with a person for a while you'd think they'd know what you want and didn't like, but that's not the case. You really have to verbalize what you like and don't like. If there is something wrong and bothering you, say something right away. Don't keep it inside and think it'll go away. You might just blow up later. Each day we learn something new about love and each other. Everyday is like a new lesson and a new chance. You have to learn how to ride with it. Forget the pass and just move on with life. Don't hold grudges.

Love is nothing like they describe in love stories. Because it's going through hell with someone and still coming out strong at the end.

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